yesterday night wen i was chatting with Kabir... (well...i can be chatty if i want to....my nickname was chatterbox in school) i was talking about how to be a proper lady??? like haven't you seen all those beautiful girls in those tight short...(and uncomfortable if u ask me) dresses...in those skyscrapper heels....talking so gracefully.......flirting with such a poise...???..everytime i come across such a speceis i wonder.....how on earth r they doing it??? like....if u r a girl u ud kno....its almost impossible to maintain proper hair....dress and shoes and be mobile and active at the same tym.....my girlfriends always asks me...."ready for some fun??" n wen i say yes they doll me up in breathtaking clothes that fit u like rubberband....and u start cursing urself for breathing....then they put 2 kg make up on my face.....gives me boots with heels almost 2 storey high.....truth to say....wen i stand infront of the mirror i do feel proud...and accomplished for a moment...(after succesfully ignoring the pain in my ankles and the urge to tear up the dess)....and if kabir gets to see me in such an attire he just stares......with round round eyes.....and it s fun to experience that attention....but that lasts only for 15 minutes or so.....then i gets really difficult to ignore the loud protests of my body forced into the lifeless boa constrictor....and then nature...the bitch....either makes me sweat....or produces such a wind that nething that fits loosely on me desires to leave me completely that instant....and mind you....u can look plain if u wear day to day clothes without make up.....but u ud look horrible if ur hair is like a crow's nest and u r trapped in an exotic attire and mascara is running down ur cheeks....so then i hae to rush to the wash room for a touch up.....by rushing i mean walking slower than a snail becoz of the heaven high heels....
    an even bigger question is....how to go on a date dressed like that??? i tried it with kabir....it was a dissaster.....and he ended up asking....."do u need to change?"....first of all....i was wearing a short dress...so wenever i dropped sumthin (i m messy....remember) i had to ask him to pick it up.....and wenever i tried to sit my helmline kept riding up....so i stood all the time.....that gave me a horrible ankle ache....n i became snappy....and a horrible pain in the ass. then while coming backed we missed two cabs cuz i could not run in those shoes.....nature was a silent bitch all the tym....and i didnt even notice wen my hair slowly came back to its original hippie form.....and after all these trials and tribulations......my heel broke...i fell down.....started crying....resulting my mascara and kajal to run down my cheeks......Finally wen i reached home and looked in the mirror for an instant i thought its the ghost fom Insidious......i was about to shout....it was a close thing criusly
   frankly....i have much more fun.....wen instead of eating miniature amounts like a lady i gobbel down my food like kabir does.....i have more fun wearing a jeans and a tshirt than a dress.....i have more fun playing vdo games than watching soaps....but the saddest part is i cant do that without being judged or labelled. I am not saying being a proper woman is bad....i just want to say that its not me....so plz let me be ....but society.....is a nosy fellow.....it dictates wat a girl is supposed to wear....wat is she supposed to eat....how is she supposed to eat....wat her attitude should be n everything else....criusly....for girls....there is very little oppurtunity to choose...."u have to be shy.....u cant be loud.....dont laugh just smile....oh no u cant sneeze...u cant whistle....u cant fart....u cant burp....u cant say that u like sex..u cant smoke.....u cant booze....u cant have a night out..." and so on and so forth...i mean cummon!!! this is outright fascist.....and u kno wat is the saddest part??? if u raise ur voice its the girls who r gonna hush you down...and curl their lips in hawty derision....the same girls who went on a rally the other day to support equality....
    so i get confused????wat does equality mean???? doesnt it mean equal rights.....equal independence.....??? all of us want it.....a progressive society walks towards this goal....isnt it??? if so then y those snide remarks wen sumbody is actually doing that.....actually being herself???????? i guess...our society is not progressive.....its a child unsure of its goals....otherwise things wud have been different n there wud be lesser girls suffering from self inflicted malnutrition.....lesser girls on the verge of tears in killer heels....

   ok!!! so may be u r going to wonder...(if nebody at all reads this....though i will assume somebody does) y now??? like is she out of her mind or something??? kaj nei kheye deye??? well frst of all.....amar apatoto sotti e kheye deye kaj nei....exams r over n m dying to do sumthing new.....n moreover m a loner with very few friends....and very low social skills....i find it difficult communicating with others....so there r things i need to talk about....n i just cant find the two eyed clear brained homosapien to talk to.....so i better write it down here in the hope that sum body comes across this blog and nods his or her head up and down while reading this almost understanding wat i want to say
    well.....being the messy person i am....almost forgot to introduce my self....so...hi!! m a bespectacled nerd of a girl....with my nose into books the whole day and pretending that i love it... According to my mom there is a absolute beautiful...mindfucking.....diamond of a face hidden behind the many layers of extra chin...and the insanely thick glasses.....i have classic shinchan eyebrows....a healthy...(read OTT) appetite...and a knack for fashion desinging....thoush i ud never say that aloud....else mom might kill me...(ato porasona kore tailor hote chas!!!!!!)...i like singing bollywood absolute jhinchak songs....kinda hate english music.....love old bengali and hindi songs too....and yah....i love reading and writing poetry.....
    if u ask me about the people in my life .....then there is my sobjanta, scary, bossy mom...whom i love....inspite of the fact that i can never understand her....neither can she understand me.....then there is kabir (blush blush!!)....my tushyfaced teddy bear of a boy friend....always standing beside me....and in a 2 year long battle with my hitler mother......there is putush....my li'l pet....ohh...almost forgot....dad is also there....though we do not talk much....cuz we do not get time for each other.....and wen we do.... we talk a lot telepathecally....keeping uncomfortable silence the medium between us...
   ok...so wat do i want to talk about??? there are so many things actually!!!!! havent u ever felt the hypocrisy in our lives....the odd difference between the notion of right and wrong in various spheres????? how easily goodness becomes bokamo.....how easily cheating becomes chalaki???how easily the adjectives smart and greedy merge with each other??? how the victim becomes the guilty....and the guilty becomes "bechara"??? may be for many of you it has been easy.....this transition from the idealistic world of books to that of the real one.....but not for me.....i have been trapped so long in the pages that when i was pushed to face the reality.... i stand alone.....defeated and lost.....i dont kno wats wrong wats right.....everything i have read till now seems wrong.....i am a duffer ...an idiot now .....and i thot books made me smarter...wait....smart has two definitions......i mean to say i am smart in a way books define samrtness...not in a way my mom....or the society does....
  signing off now....plz do think about this...(if u at all exist....though i wud assume that u do)....tada