just some thoughts..

The first thing that comes to my mind while jotting down my thoughts about my most recent failure is how much it affected others , how much one little mistake harmed a man who had been nice to me.

I figure out I have always been an easy achiever. Never did I have to work really hard to be successful. May be that’s why I forgot to value it. May be that’s why when the time came to hold on to my dear success, I failed. I failed. I do not remember a single time I had to accept this before. Failure had always been something that simply could not happen to me. I know I am brilliant. I know I am worth all the chances life has presented me with. But am I worthy enough to take a huge responsibility? Do I fit in? Is being successful at an exam or an interview proof enough that the corresponding course or job is well suited for me? May be I have always looked for minutes of celebration rather that a prolonged sense of belonging or happiness.  Success does not define us. This sense of belonging does. Have I ever belonged anywhere since I decided to be a science student? Weren’t I always meant to be a writer? Did I not know this? I did. But rather than exploring that possibility I ran behind some moments. I ran behind the feeling of immense pride, I ran behind money, I ran behind everything I knew I could achieve without thinking what will I do with those achievements.

And that’s where I went wrong. I not only wronged the person who trusted me, I not only wronged the company who believed in my abilities. Rather I wronged myself. I did not do justice to my talents. I did not do justice to my passion.

 I failed.  I do not remember a single time I had to accept this before.

 I failed. I should have accepted this a long time ago.