Hmm...so I was talking about failure. Right now I am sitting in my office desk with absolutely nothing to do. There is a blue water bottle by the side of my laptop whoch i have filled and emptied the umpteenth time. I have had 36 biscuits since morning. Three cups of tea. And a sad little meal down at the cafeteria. Mail box is flooding with mails congratulating me of my latest job, people asking me to join their projects, best friend saying I am the best bestfriend in the world. My mom was gushing about my achievements today morning ...its still ringing in my ears.
Yes so once again i am "successful"...
But you know what age and the so called wisdom do to you? It robs you off the momentary pleasure of all the success on your palette. I know now, success and failures are just states of mind. It can change anytime anywhere... A situation can be both happy and sad, an achievement both success and failure. It all depends on your perception. Right now when my whole little world is screaming "you are successful " in my ears, I feel I am a mere tool which has functioned more effectively than expected. Mother says, this innate quality in me, to be totally unfazed after exceeding expectations is what drives me to be better. I beg to differ. This is not a quality. This is a curse. I cant shake of the feeling that I am just a spectator. I will eventually die, and all these "success" wont have any meaning to it then.
At times I feel, why all this effort to be brilliant? Why do I let things matter so much to me? After all everything is temporary. It will all go into the sea of time one day. All this work, all these tears, all these relationships...they mean nothing. If I become a couch potato ...what difference will that make? Some people will say I suck....but their opinions will die too. At the end of the day...everything will end.
Mother says...I am meant to do things more brilliant. I say..i would prefer doing things with more meaning to it. I am tired of success and failures. I am tired of momentary flashes of happiness. I am tired of feeling like a dot in a sea of words. I want to be more impactful. I want a life larger than life. I want to change a few lives. I want to be the reason of happiness for not only me and my mum...but for the entire humanity. I want people to say "Thank god she was born". I want to be a part of something much bigger , much more meaningful. I dont want flashes....I dont want bits and pieces. I want the full cake of happiness. Long , neverending, deep, fulfilling. Only then I wont feel like a spectator. Only then i wont feel numb. Only then I will feel, I am playing the soccer and scoring goals. Life is just happening to me. I am not living life....
Yes so once again i am "successful"...
But you know what age and the so called wisdom do to you? It robs you off the momentary pleasure of all the success on your palette. I know now, success and failures are just states of mind. It can change anytime anywhere... A situation can be both happy and sad, an achievement both success and failure. It all depends on your perception. Right now when my whole little world is screaming "you are successful " in my ears, I feel I am a mere tool which has functioned more effectively than expected. Mother says, this innate quality in me, to be totally unfazed after exceeding expectations is what drives me to be better. I beg to differ. This is not a quality. This is a curse. I cant shake of the feeling that I am just a spectator. I will eventually die, and all these "success" wont have any meaning to it then.
At times I feel, why all this effort to be brilliant? Why do I let things matter so much to me? After all everything is temporary. It will all go into the sea of time one day. All this work, all these tears, all these relationships...they mean nothing. If I become a couch potato ...what difference will that make? Some people will say I suck....but their opinions will die too. At the end of the day...everything will end.
Mother says...I am meant to do things more brilliant. I say..i would prefer doing things with more meaning to it. I am tired of success and failures. I am tired of momentary flashes of happiness. I am tired of feeling like a dot in a sea of words. I want to be more impactful. I want a life larger than life. I want to change a few lives. I want to be the reason of happiness for not only me and my mum...but for the entire humanity. I want people to say "Thank god she was born". I want to be a part of something much bigger , much more meaningful. I dont want flashes....I dont want bits and pieces. I want the full cake of happiness. Long , neverending, deep, fulfilling. Only then I wont feel like a spectator. Only then i wont feel numb. Only then I will feel, I am playing the soccer and scoring goals. Life is just happening to me. I am not living life....
Ignoramus is very used to listen 'failure is pillar of success'. He lives with failures so the statement doesn't make any sense. Better still is 'success are stepping stones for bigger challenge '. . .. . Boodhooram
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