i kno i have not been writing for a long long time.....its just that....i got nothing to think about....that dsnt mean nothing is happening in my life....its just like....all the incidents r pretty straight forward and single layered.....my mom's uncle died.....and dadavai has left us too....so...yeah...those  just incidents.....nd....there s nuthing to write about their death really.....i can bore u all with tons of medical terminologies....but thats not wat i started this blog for.....this s my place to shout out my frustation and i donot shout out medical names wen i m frustated....and nor do i narrate incidents...
    i think it wud be better if i talk about how i really feel about their departure....i have known my mom's uncle for times unknown.....he stayed at haldia......we seldom used to meet.....i have met him like 6 to 7 times....but every time he used to come he used to bring little things for me.....magazines....and poems he has written....he made it a point to read everything i write.....loved hearing me sing..........it just feels weird that that person is not there nemore.....wen i go to haldia next time.....he wont give that hearty laugh and show me his poems....he used to sing a song...."tumi manush k diechile prem...." i dont eally like the song....but it feels weird that he wont sing that again.....i dont kno if i ud be like "i miss him sooo much"....but the moment i think about all those things abt him that i vividly remember.....nd i realise thats all past...i cant help crying....its like my old school books......i dont need them....i dont read them....but i kno if they r thrown away m gonna feel weird....nd miss the fact that they were right there..
      by dadavai i mean kabir's elder bro....i have known him for a little more than two years......nd he s the person i used to go to wen i had a fight with kabir.....he wud always take my side....he ud always call me his sister.....he loved to eat like me....so we really connected,,,,n wenever i used to make a eatout plan wth kabir we asked him to join us....he was young , full of laughter, passionate about food and photography.....we chatted just two weeks ago.....he was sending me stickers.....he was a little sick....n i told him get well soon....n we will have a eatout at chinatown after that.....n now he s just gone....he s not there....we will never again make a plan with him....he will never click my photos......never call me pagli.....never back me up wen kabir fights.....we wont talk about food nemore....or my poems....or movies....or make knock knock jokes....he wont ask me to join the trips he plans even after knoing i cant go....he wont ping me all of a sudden just to say hi n then go offline again.....he s just gone.....the person who was very much alive n making plans with me 2 weeks back...is gone....i m just not being able to come in terms with this fact......how i feel about his death....how much i miss him.....that can b discussed later....its just that....with his name in my frndlist....my watsapp....my g talk.....my contacts....i just cant blv he s gone...
       thats everything i can say right now....i dont want to draw ne conclusions....or discuss nething philosophical...cuz i m not in that frame of mind this instant.....i can just say...both of you.....i loved you....be happy if there s nething called afterlife......may your soul rest in peace....